People say that when we go through a trauma, we give life a new meaning, we see things diffrentely, well… I guess people are right.
I am not dying, well, i am not aware if I am so… but my life has changed a lot, I kinda wanted to live my life like its a regular thing, as if it had no meaning, and in January something happened, something that made me change my very own perception of life…
I always said, “I dont want to die an old man, I dont want to be wrinkled, I wanna die while am still desired, while I am still atractive” and laughed of my talk, so many times that I actually belived in my words, but January 2017 made me change my perception of how and when I wanna die.
My cousin died at the age of 54, last January 12th… (cancer) first of all came a breast cancer, everything went so well that we actually looked at it as a proof given by God, “What doens´t kill you, makes you stronger”, a few months later, trachea cancer, two months… so quick… so unexpected…
FUCK!!!
I dont wanna die young…
I had a shortness of breath that night, could barely breath, I was nervous…
My spine hurts, I had a bladder crisis. After a few days I visited my doctor, and explained all my situation…
“Let´s do some exams, its nothing, but let´s just check it out” He said…
“Ok lets do it” I said; but I could barely be focused on work, I just could think of that.
I dont wanna die, I am too young, I have my husband, my family, my friends, the whole world to visit, I want to wake up every morning and be able to breath the fresh breeze, feel the sun´s heat by my balcony…I wanna live, till am old, wrinkled, until am so wrinkled that nobody will desire me anymore.
I want to lie down in my bed, at the age of 100, fall asleep and never wake up, I want my soul to leave my physical body, making sure that together we lived everything, we enjoyed every moment on earth.
Fabulous On Heels 